Disastrous Dates
by Dash99
Summary: Our favorite Lord of the Rings characters all have their 'special' someone. For some, it may be a ring, or others, a certain elf, but what would happen if they went on a date? How would it turn out? Would they break up?
1. The Break Up

**My friend, who sadly doesn't have a Fanfiction account, came up with this idea. So, here it is! I quite enjoyed writing it, and I'm pretty sure she did too:) Sorry for any OOCness:D Please R&R!**

**Disclaimer: We sadly don't own LotR. If you thought so, I might suggest you see a doctor:D**

"Whats do yous wants to eats, Precious?" Sméagol looked lovingly upon his Ring, the One Ring to rule them all. Precious didn't respond.

Sméagol, with a hurtful look, asked again, "whats do you wants to eats?" The waitress, with an irritated look, glanced up from her notepad.

"Are you going to order or not?"

"Yes, yes. We will go first, since Precious is being stubborn. We woulds like fish."

"How would you like that cooked, sir?" The waitress asked.

"We don'ts wants it cooksed, we wants it raw, juicy, and scrumptious!" Sméagol sang. "Woulds you like raw fish Precious?" Precious, again, didn't answer.

"Would you like me to just bring out the fish?"

"Yes yes, that's fine." The waitress scurried off.

"Now Precious, you needs to quits being so difficults! Now tell us, whats woulds you like to eats?"

"I wanna go to Mordor!"

"Whats?"

"I wanna go to Mordor, and bind everything into darkness!"

"We'll do that's later, buts for now, whats woulds you likes to eats?"

"The world."

"The worlds?"

"No, the world."

"Worlds?"

"No, world."

"Why woulds you wants to eats the worlds?" Sméagol asked, confusion written on his pale face.

"I don't. I want to eat the world."

"Thats whats we keeps saying!"

"No, you keep saying 'worlds'."

"Exactly! You want to eats the worlds!"

"Has the rest of your party decided what to eat yet?" The waitress asked.

"Yes yes. Precious wants to eats the worlds, whatever that means." The waitress turned her snooty gaze upon Precious.

"You want to eat worlds?"

"No, I want to eat the world." Precious laid stress on the _d_ in _world_.

"One world coming right up, uh, are you a dude or a chic?"

"I'm a ring."

"Okay….I'll just go get your world for you to eat." The waitress left, again.

"Precious, thats a stupid fats waitress. She can'ts give you the worlds to eats!"

"I didn't ask for the worlds."

"If you don'ts stops this, I'm goings to breaks up with yous!"

"My heart lies with Sauron. My goal is to get back to him, to bring everything into darkness! Oh yeah!"

"You means…"

"Mean."

"…yous don'ts loves us?"

"Nope."

"Sméagol, why are you crying?" Gollum whispered later that evening when Sméagol had returned to his cave, without his Precious.

"Precccious brokes ups with us." Smeagle began to cry.

"It's ok, you haves us."

"But you aren'ts my Precious!" Gollum adapted a hurt look.

"Whats did yous says?"

"You aren'ts my Precious!"

"Fine then!" And with that Gollum left.

"Whats a bads days, Sméagol, whats a bads days."


	2. But Daddy

**Sorry for the long wait! thank you all for the reviews! They are greatly appreciated! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: We (being my friend and I) sadly do not own LotR.**

The snooty waitress, whose name happened to be Beatrice, glared at her two new customers, an elf and a human.

"Have you decided what you want to eat yet?" she asked.

"I would like a large head of kale, please," Arwen said.

Beatrice arched her eyebrows. "Kale? Really?"

"Do you not have any?" Arwen asked sweetly.

"No we have plenty," Beatrice muttered. She swiveled her snooty gave to Aragorn. "And for you sir?"

"I'm lovin' it! Da Da Da Da Dum!"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, sorry, I would like a big mac with a Coke."

"What is Coke?" Beatrice asked.

"It is a mixture of corn syrup, caffeine, carbonated water, and sugar," Aragorn stated.

"Ok, I'll get right on that," Beatrice replied, sarcasm thick in her voice.

"Oh goody! I wuv Coke!"

"Aragorn…" Arwen started.

"It's so delicious! The caffeine makes me hyper! I also love the sugar in it! You know, if Sauron wants to…"

"Aragorn," Arwen said more forcefully.

"…to take over the world, he should poison everybody with corn syrup! Maybe he could even had some GMO to it as well, then cover it with chocolate and sell it and…"

"ARAGORN!"

"Yes my dear?" Arwen cleared her throat.

"I think we should leave…"

"Why? I don't want to! This is so much fun!"

"How much Coke have you drank today?"

"Uh…" He began to count on his fingers. "1…2…3…4…5…I think this is my sixth. Wait, no, I had one at lunch, then one after lunch, and then…"

"How many?" Arwen again asked.

"Uh, ten, this is my eleventh," He said sheepishly.

"Aragorn, you are supposed to be breaking that bad habit!" Arwen threw up her hands.

"I know, but it is so yummy!"

"Quit acting so immature."

"I am very mature just so you know."

"Only when you aren't on a Coke high." Aragorn crossed his arms and let out a "Hmph."

Arwen, in a quieter voice, said; "Anyways, we still need to go."

"Why?" Aragorn asked.

"Look behind you…" It was too late for the happy couple though. Elrond caught a glimpse of the two seated at the table. He quickly covered the ground from the door to the table in a few long strides.

"You shall not date my daughter," Elrond said with authority, pointing his long elf finger of power at Aragorn.

"But I want to," Aragorn pouted.

Arwen added her voice to the protesting. "I want to date him Daddy!"

"Yeah! She wants to date him!" Beatrice added.

Elrond was not able to control the surprise that came to his when the snooty waitress spoke.

"I command ye to let them date, and have a happy life together!" Beatrice continued. After an awkward moment of silence, Aragorn and Arwen exchanged a look.

"Yeah, what she said!" They said in unison.

"I guess I'm out voted," Elrond said sadly.

"Yes Daddy, you are."

"You promise to take care of her?" Elrond directed his question to Aragorn.

"Yes."

"You all may date, but under one condition…" he let the sentence hang.

"I'll do anything!" Aragorn exclaimed.

"You must drink no more Coke." It was silent at the table for a few minutes.

"Change that to a big mac and an iced tea," Aragorn finally said.

"I hope you two are happy together," Elrond whispered to Arwen.

"I know we will Daddy. Would you like to join us?"

"I would love to." And the happy couple consisting of Arwen and Aragorn, lived happily ever after."

**So there ya go! If you have any suggestions for couples, please leave them in a review or a PM. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Author's Note

**So, do to my busy summer and my bad attention span, I'm going to be putting my stories on hold for a little while. I am really having a hard time trying to write right now. School is about to start, and I have so many things I want to do before then. Hopefully I'll be back and writing in a few weeks! Sorry about this. **

**Write to you all later!**

**Dash99**


End file.
